Anyone who has ever been in a relationship with someone who suffers from codependency knows how difficult it can be to maintain one’s own sense of self.
Codependents are often overly dependent on the people around them, and this constant need for validation can lead to an unhealthy dependence that is hard to break free from.
For years, the word “codependent” has been used incorrectly. In reality, codependency is a persistent and progressive illness.
It’s tough to cure because it masks controlling behavior beneath a veneer of help. The path to recovery for those suffering from codependency might be difficult and lengthy.
I encourage anybody who believes they have a problem with codependency to seek professional assistance, but there are several great books available to assist in the healing process.
10 Must-Read Books on Codependency Recovery
If you want to recover from codependency, the first step is admitting you have a problem.
These books will provide real insight into codependent behavior and offer helpful advice for those suffering from it.
If you are struggling with co-dependency issues, these books can help break through denial so that you may begin on the path to health and happiness.
1. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life – Henry Cloud and John Townsend
Cloud and Townsend’s classic book don’t devote a significant amount of space to discussing codependency in and of itself, but they do discuss aspects of codependency in relation to establishing sound boundaries.
Because many codependents come from dysfunctional families of origin, they are often deficient in the fundamentals of healthy boundaries.
The “Ten Laws of Boundaries” were identified by Cloud and Townsend as aids for codependents to recognize that boundaries aren’t about harming others; they’re about learning how to protect oneself against another person’s boundary breaches.
The book does a good job of explaining how codependent behavior is a result of deficient boundaries and the problems it can cause in relationships.
It also provides sound advice for those who are struggling with setting healthy boundaries and maintaining them without crossing into obsessiveness or aggressiveness.
The book goes on to explain that, even though we might be well aware of someone else’s boundary violations, we can’t control it.
We do have complete power over our own behavior and how much of someone else’s bad behavior we are willing to put up with.
Whether you suffer from codependency or not, Boundaries is a helpful book for establishing better boundaries in your relationships – both personal and professional.
2. Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives – Pia Mellody, Andrea Wells Miller and J. Keith Miller
Pia Mellody’s Facing Codependence is one of my top recommendations for codependency recovery.
Mellody examines codependency through the perspective of addiction.
He illustrates how codependency can stem from dysfunctional family systems, making someone more likely to fall into the traps of failed adult relationships.
Mellody considers the influence that childhood trauma has on our emotional well-being and our capacity to have meaningful and mutually beneficial relationships with others.
She identifies the following five fundamental indicators of codependency. Low self-esteem, emotional dysregulation, difficulties with boundaries, inability to care for oneself, and a propensity to express reality moderately are all examples of core symptoms of codependency.
I frequently prescribe Mellody’s Facing Codependence to clients seeking help for codependency recovery because I am a strong believer in the idea that it is an addiction.
3. Out of the FOG: From Fear to Freedom – Charles Whitfield, Loriann Hoff Oberlin and Andrea C. Pritchard
Whitfield’s Out of the FOG is a good starting point for those seeking insight into overcoming codependency issues.
The book explains how our childhood experiences can have long-lasting effects on our ability to form healthy relationships with others as adults.
Whitfield goes on to explain that these early life experiences are often repressed or denied because they were so painful – but this has severely negative consequences when forming adult relationships with other people by creating boundaries between what we have experienced in our pasts and who we want to be now.
I think it does an excellent job of illustrating just how much our past experiences affect us, and how we must face them to overcome codependency.
The book also illustrates the various ways that denial can manifest itself in adult relationships – whether it be by projecting blame onto others for one’s own problems or assuming responsibility for everything bad that happens.
It is an excellent resource for explaining why these behaviors are symptomatic of deeper issues at play within someone’s life story.
4. Breaking Free from the Victim Trap: How to Get Men of Codependency – Paul C. Holinger, M.D
Breaking Free from the Victim Trap is a helpful resource for codependent men seeking recovery and healing from their pasts in order to have healthier relationships with others in the future.
Holinger explains how many men who suffer from codependency were victims of childhood neglect or abuse by people they trusted – often leaving them feeling unworthy and helpless when it comes time to move out into adult life and establish healthy boundaries between themselves and others.
The book offers various ways that readers can recover emotionally after experiencing such pain as children, allowing them to form better connections with other adults later on in life through self-awareness about what they need out of their relationships.
Holinger also identifies the various ways that men who suffer from codependency are able to move beyond victimhood into an empowered state, which helps them form healthier connections with others in all aspects of life.
5. The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us – Ross Rosenberg
Ross Rosenberg’s The Human Magnet Syndrome is another useful resource for codependents seeking to learn more about their own behaviors and how they relate back to childhood experiences.
Rosenberg explains that people who grow up surrounded by addiction, mental illness, or other forms of abuse are often taught unhealthy patterns of relating with others as children – which manifests itself later in life through subconscious decisions made during adult relationships.
He goes on to explain the various ways this can play out in one’s romantic relationships, explaining why all men and women tend towards certain types of partners based on the emotional wounds sustained from our pasts.
The book also offers tools readers can use to move past the pain and hurt of their early lives so that they can form healthier relationships with others as adults.
Rosenberg’s book offers a hopeful message for those seeking insight into patterns of abuse and codependency – offering tools to change these behaviors from harmful towards productive in adulthood.
6. Codependent Forevermore: The Invention of Self in a Twelve Step Group – Sandra Bloom
Sandra Bloom’s Codependent Forevermore is another excellent resource for people suffering from codependency to learn more about their own behaviors and how they can be changed.
Bloom explains that the twelve-step program used by Alcoholics Anonymous (which focuses on making amends with those you’ve hurt while working towards becoming sober) has helped millions of people recover from addiction over time – but this same structure also allows people to heal emotionally, too.
She goes on to explain why many alcoholics and addicts tend toward such self-destructive behavior patterns as adults, often due back to unresolved childhood issues that need attention moving forward into healthier lives.
7. Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He’ll Change – Robin Norwood
Robin Norwood’s Women Who Love too Much is another important resource for codependents of all genders who are seeking insight into their own behaviors.
Norwood explains why people tend to seek out partners that they know will cause them pain in some way, offering a new perspective on the ways we think about love as adults.
She goes on to offer advice for those struggling with how to find healthier romantic relationships moving forward – explaining that the first step begins by changing one’s thoughts towards self-worth so that you can understand your worth as an individual apart from anyone else.
In turn, this helps readers learn more about themselves and how to find better relationships with others – which is especially useful for codependents who have spent much of their lives in abusive or otherwise unhealthy romantic partnerships.
The book also offers advice for those seeking healthier romantic relationships moving forward, but it does so by exploring the ways that women often engage in self-sabotage when finding love later on in life due to unresolved childhood issues.
This insight helps readers understand why they are attracted towards certain types of people while getting a grasp on what changes need to be made, moving forward into more fulfilling and healthy adult connections. One of my favorite books by this author!
8. Don’t Feed the Monkey Mind: A Book About Addiction – Annette Jolin
Annette Jolin’s Don’t Feed the Monkey Mind is another excellent resource for those struggling to find better ways of coping with addiction or other forms of self-destructive behavior.
The author explains that all addictions begin in the same place – being an escape from our emotions through engaging in various unhealthy behaviors until they become a daily part of one’s life.
Jolin goes on to explain how these addictive patterns are often formed during childhood, offering advice for readers seeking healthier relationships, moving forward so that they can lead more fulfilling lives free from substance abuse and other harmful choices made as adults.
She also emphasizes several times throughout her book about finding your own way towards recovery without focusing too much energy on what others say you should do when trying to overcome addiction.
This is a great resource for people who believe that they may be dealing with an addictive personality and feel the need to find better-coping skills moving forward, especially if you’re not sure where else to start when it comes to seeking out professional help or other resources in your life.
9. Love and Addiction: Lessons Learned from Romance, Relationships & Recovery – Adia Victoria
Adia Victoria’s Love and Addiction is another excellent resource for those who believe they may be dealing with an addictive personality.
Victoria explains that love addiction often functions in the same way as other addictions – leading to a lack of emotional intimacy or connection because people are too busy seeking out new relationships instead of focusing on themselves first.
She goes on to explain how this behavior pattern can lead to abusive relationships where one partner feels anxious at times while their significant other struggles with feelings of emptiness due to not being able to find true emotional fulfillment elsewhere.
Love and Addiction offer advice for readers seeking healthier romantic relationships forward by explaining why it takes more than simply loving someone to build a lasting romantic partnership – and how finding ways of self-fulfillment can help you get closer with your partner in healthier, more sustainable ways.
The author also explains why codependency is so closely related to love addiction and how it affects adult relationships moving forward.
This book offers excellent advice if you believe that you may be struggling with an addictive personality when it comes to trying to find better holistic solutions for coping with broken or otherwise unhealthy romantic connections in one’s life. This has been my favorite out of all the books I’ve read on this topic by far!
10. The Art of Changing: How to Break the Patterns and Live More Authentic Lives – Robert Holden
Robert Holden’s The Art of Changing is an excellent resource for those seeking help with changing their own personal habits or behaviors in order to lead happier, more fulfilled lives.
The author focuses on how people can break negative patterns that hold them back from experiencing greater self-fulfillment moving forward by explaining why most people engage in these types of actions – whether it be through addictive behavior like substance abuse, bad relationships due to love addiction, or other unhealthy choices made as adults under stress or when trying to cope with trauma throughout their life.
He also explains different ways readers can learn about themselves overall through introspection and journaling.
The Art of Changing is a great book for those who want to take more control over their own life moving forward, especially if they’re unsure as to where else they can start when it comes towards making better choices that will help them live happier lives overall.
FAQ about codependency recovery books
what are the best books on codependency recovery?
There are several excellent books on codependency recovery that offer helpful advice for those struggling to overcome this pattern of behavior.
Love and Addiction by Adia Victoria is an excellent resource if you feel like love addiction might be leading towards abusive relationships in your life.
Robert Holden’s The Art of Changing offers great holistic advice for individuals seeking out more fulfillment by moving forward.
Love in a Hopeless Place by Barbara Cofer offers guidance for those who have been through traumatic experiences and are looking to find ways of coping with the pain that comes from these types of events.
What is codependency recovery?
codependency recovery involves learning how to break negative patterns overall so you can learn about yourself on a deeper level.
It’s also about learning how to communicate better in your relationships with others so you can explore healthier, more loving connections moving forward.
Codependency recovery is all about changing one’s own life for the better by finding different ways of coping when it comes to healing from past traumas.
How long does it take to recover from codependency?
It can take several years for some people, especially if this is something that may have developed over the course of multiple relationships.
It’s important to find a holistic resource you feel comfortable with in order to get started – whether through individual counseling or even joining support groups online, where you can interact with others who are on a similar journey.
how to stop being codependent after ending an abusive relationship?
The best way to recover from codependency is by learning how to really take care of yourself for the first time in your life.
Whether that’s through starting therapy, finding new hobbies, or simply spending more time alone to learn about who you are as a person.
It’s also important to know that this pattern of behavior is something that can be overcome when the right support systems and resources exist for those seeking help with these issues in their life.
What is an example of codependency?
Codependent people are often in relationships with individuals who have different types of addictions – whether that be substance abuse, gambling issues, or other bad habits they can’t seem to shake.
They also tend to put these same people on a pedestal and ignore their own needs when it comes to exploring healthy connections with others in their lives.
how to overcome codependency?
There are several ways of overcoming this issue that will help you move forward in your life and start exploring who you truly are as a person.
This can include learning how to communicate better with others, also taking the time to learn more about yourself on a deeper level through introspection and journaling alone or even with someone else.
what is the best way to overcome codependency?
One of the best ways to overcome codependency is through journaling and introspection about your own life experiences, as well as seeking out others who are on a similar journey you can interact with in-person or online for support if needed.
People struggling with codependency often learn how to express themselves better through writing, helping them create a new sense of freedom they can carry with them moving forward.
Codependent people are more likely to find fulfillment when they start learning how to take care of their own needs first before putting others on pedestals who may not deserve that same level of respect.
What are the signs of a codependent person?
Codependent people often ignore their own needs and desires when it comes to interactions with others, instead opting for more unhealthy types of connections that may involve abuse or other forms of emotional trauma.
They also tend to put the same type of individuals on a pedestal who won’t do right by them in return – which can be damaging overall if they don’t seek out the right type of support from others to overcome these struggles.
What is the root cause of codependency?
Codependency often starts in childhood, where this pattern of behavior is shown to be normal by the adults around them.
This can lead to codependent people continuing on with these same types of behaviors when they get older – allowing their sense of self-worth and happiness to become dependent on others who may not reciprocate that level of respect back in return.
codependency treatment?
There are several types of codependency treatments that can help you overcome the issues associated with this type of behavior pattern in your life, whether it be through individual counseling or participating in support groups for people who struggle with similar challenges within their own lives.
What are the 5 roles of codependency?
There are five main roles that codependent people can fall into, including the victim, rescuer, caretaker, rebel, and lost child.
All of these roles can be damaging for individuals who are trying to overcome this type of behavior pattern in their lives – making it necessary to learn how to break free from these same types of unhealthy behaviors moving forward.
How long does codependency treatment take?
It’s important to know that the codependency treatment process can be a long and difficult journey for those who are struggling with these issues in their life.
It’s best to keep this in mind as you move forward – knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel, once you start taking some form of action towards overcoming your own codependent behaviors.
How do I break my codependency?
Breaking your codependency is possible if you start taking some type of positive action in the right direction.
This can involve learning how to be more open and honest with yourself about your own needs, desires, and sense of identity moving forward – allowing you to take control over these same types of issues once again.
What are common triggers of codependency?
There are a number of common triggers that can lead to codependency, including emotional neglect from parents growing up and unhealthy relationships with the opposite sex later on in life.
How do I get over codependency and anxiety?
In order to move past codependency and anxiety, you’ll want to start finding ways of expressing yourself again that don’t involve putting other people on pedestals for your own sense of happiness.
This can help you break free from this type of unhealthy behavior pattern – allowing you to take control over your life once again as a healthy individual overall.
What are the dangers of codependency?
There are a number of serious dangers that can come from engaging in codependent behaviors, including increased chances for mental health issues and problems with substance abuse.
In addition, those who struggle with this type of behavior pattern often find it difficult to form solid connections outside of their own social circle – making it hard to find meaningful relationships or maintain them.
What is toxic codependency?
Toxic codependency occurs when your sense of self-worth and happiness is dependent on people who aren’t willing to reciprocate that respect back in return.
This can lead to a downward spiral for those who don’t know how to take control over these same types of issues – leading them even further down the path towards more serious problems with mental health, substance abuse issues, and failed relationships.
Who do codependents attract?
Codependents often attract people who have their own issues with mental health, substance abuse, and relationships.
Most times, these individuals will further enable the same behaviors from the codependent person – making it more difficult for them to break free from this type of behavior pattern in their own lives.
What are some signs you are codependent?
There are a number of signs that can indicate you’re engaging in some level of codependency, including constantly putting your needs aside for others and worrying about the problems within other people’s lives more than your own.
If these same types of behaviors seem familiar to you – it may be time to seek out help from a mental health professional.
What is the codependency test?
The codependency test can be a useful tool for those who find themselves constantly putting other people before their own needs and desires in life – making it harder to live a fulfilling and meaningful existence overall.
You’ll want to take this type of diagnostic quiz as honestly as possible – allowing it to reveal some helpful insights into your life that you may not have been aware of previously.
Do I love him or am I codependent?
It’s possible to love someone and still engage in codependent behavior patterns, especially if this person is enabling the same behaviors from you without truly changing their own outlook.
You’ll want to take a step back and look at your role within past romantic relationships – allowing these insights to influence whether it may be time for some personal reflection.