How do you know when a narcissist is really finished with someone? The answer to this question depends on the person.
Some people will end things quickly and without warning, while others will play games and string someone along for months or years before they finally decide that it is time to end the relationship.
However, there are certain signs that can indicate whether or not a narcissistic partner has decided to cut ties with their former partner:
How long do narcissistic relationships last?
You should know by now if narcissists ever return. The short answer is: Yes, they do frequently, if they perceive something to be beneficial.
Even if the breakup appears to be permanent and finalized, there’s no assurance that the narcissist won’t return.
How long do relationships with narcissists last, though?
It’s all about what they get out of the relationship while you’re together, how successfully they destroy your confidence and sense of self, how much intimacy and openness you demand from them, and what it will cost them to maintain you around or let you go.
According to certain research, many narcissists can only survive a relationship for six months to a few years (at the most).
Keep in mind that we’re talking about one four-stage cycle. A narcissist will frequently restart the cycle by training their target to anticipate them returning.
Narcissists don’t provide closure.
Even though they’re destroying your world during the painful discard stage, they leave just enough space open so that you might slip back through it.
They’ll smile and remember all the fun they had (at your expense) one day, and they’ll extend a peace offering.
They’ll try to sweep you back into their living house of horrors. You’re right back at the discard stage, collecting the pieces and feeling worse than ever before.
They’ve thrown you aside so abruptly with no explanation and made you feel even more confused.
Once again, they’ve discarded you without warning or reason, leaving you feeling adrift and shattered.
You are the only one who can put an end to your abusive relationship once and for all.
How to Know If a Narcissist is Really Finished with You: 20 Sure Signs
So, what are some signs of narcissism? The more you know about narcissism, the sooner you can break the trauma bond and heal.
1. The Love-bombing suddenly evaporates
It used to be that you were the only person they wanted to be around, talk to, and laugh with. You were their whole world.
They would spoil you and make you feel like the most beautiful person ever created. But now it’s like they flipped a switch.
They are no longer head-over-heels for you like before. That can happen sometimes–they might say nice things.
But it feels different because they look at you differently instead of looking at you like how they used to look at you before when they were head-over-heels over you.
“What do I want?” you ask yourself.
“Every relationship goes through its share of sad periods,” you reassure yourself. They’re undoubtedly just stressed out over something. It gets progressively worse.
2. They are mean to you and they criticize everything you do.
Now, they are saying mean things to you. They make you feel bad about yourself and say things that make you feel ugly, dumb, over the top, needy or useless.
They do this until they see that it hurts your feelings. Then they will either send you away to cry by yourself or stay near you as they insult how weak you are.
Their goal is to make sure that people don’t like and respect you anymore so that the only person who can help is them.
They want you to believe that no one sees you and understands your worth as well as they do.
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3. They’re ignoring you and becoming unreachable.
Ghosting can be intentional. Sometimes people do it to keep you waiting and wanting them back.
They know that the dopamine rush you get when they finally message you is important for them to create a bond with you.
They’re more concerned with the impact of the abuse cycle on your neurochemistry. This is what emotional intelligence is all about to them.
They’ll employ it to get what they want from you or to punish you when their connection isn’t pleasurable anymore.
4. They give you the silent treatment.
They’ll do this especially to make sure that they have control over your behavior and emotions by keeping you waiting for them to return or respond.
The more power they think they have, the less likely it is that good things are happening in their lives.
They’re lost without someone around who needs them because they need to see how needed they are.
The more insecure someone is, the less likely it is that good things are happening in their lives.
They just want power over you and your emotions so that you remember who has control of them–and if it’s not them, then there might be a problem with how powerful they are.
They don’t want you to think that someone else is more powerful than them. That would be a serious threat to their malignant sense of self.
They also want to make sure that they have control over your behavior and emotions by keeping you waiting for them to return or respond.
5. They avoid spending time with you
You are on the hook, so they don’t have to pretend to enjoy your company.
They stop spending time with you at home, and they don’t want to go out either.
You’re getting a strong sense that they don’t want to be seen with you. Maybe it’s because they’re cheating.
Alternatively, they might be strengthening the trauma link by bringing up the prospect of spending some time together abruptly.
6. They’re always irritated with you.
The way they talk to you, the things they do – everything bothers them.
They don’t mind telling you, and they won’t hesitate to tell you how much it annoys them.
In fact, they seem quite eager to express their dissatisfaction with anything that makes them unhappy.
They want you to feel the dread of wondering what horrible thing they’ll say next. It’s another method for reinforcing the trauma bond.
As a result, they’ll make you feel inadequate and undeserving of their love.
They want you to believe that no sane person would want to be with you — and that you’re fortunate they haven’t found someone better.
6. They don’t care if you’re sobbing over them.
Instead, they’ll enjoy it more. It’s a manifestation of their control over your emotional well-being to them.
It’s proof that their investment has paid off.
They only did so because of your attachment to them and the relationship — or at least everything you thought it was or wanted it to be.
You cling to it, and everything they do or say that attacks that notion causes you pain.
Meanwhile, they may sit back and shake their heads at your “weakness,” or roll their eyes at the “drama.”
Their message is clear: you’re overreacting, and they’ve had enough of it.
They don’t want you to feel estranged from them. They’re okay with you seeing that your tears have no impact on them. Your feelings only matter when they help them.
7. They constantly remind you of your weaknesses.
It’ll make them feel stronger and more powerful by contrast, which is what they want most in life.
If you’re already weak or fragile, then it makes their abuse that much easier to inflict on you because they don’t have to work as hard for control over your behavior and emotions than someone who’s self-assured.
They simply want to make sure that you know they’re in control of the relationship by reminding you how unworthy, flawed and defective you are.
Their goal is to keep you at their mercy – grateful for whatever crumbs of affection or favor they throw your way every once in a while.
8. They’re passive aggressive.
They want to remind you that the decision is theirs – not yours.
It’s a way of punishing you for thinking they’ll even care about what it is, much less be open to discussion or compromise.
The more uncomfortable and anxious this makes you feel, the better they like it since it intensifies their sense of control.
They want to remind you that they’re the ones who have the power, and there’s nothing you can do about it no matter how much you might protest or try to convince them otherwise.
The more passive aggressive behavior they exhibit towards your requests for a conversation or a break-up – even if those attempts are calm and composed – the better because it heightens their power over you.
It’s a reminder that you need them more than they need to be needed by someone like you, which is what they want most in life: your dependency on them for love and affection so there’s no chance of anyone else having access to either.
9. They’re “busy.”
They want you to believe that they just don’t have the time to give you what you need right now because there’s so much else going on in their life.
The more miserable and frustrated this makes them feel, the better since it intensifies their sense of control over your emotional well-being through your attachment to them.
They want you to believe that they’re too important and busy with higher things – their career, family life, business dealings, or some other project – for someone like you who lacks the right “credentials” in terms of status or character.
The more arrogant this makes them feel about themselves while reminding you how unworthy and insignificant you are, the better because it heightens their power over you.
It’s a reminder that they know how to get what they want without having to work hard or invest time and energy into relationships with people like you who lack the status of someone respectable in society.
They’re too busy for such trivialities as your feelings – which means they’re too busy to care about you.
10. They employ gaslighting techniques.
They regularly lie and deny to undermine your own views. The objective is to make you feel like the problem, not them.
They’ve succeeded if they can make you feel as though you’re going insane, that everyone would side with them against yours.
They’ll challenge your facts, trash your logic, and say anything they can think of to make you doubt yourself.
They’re like parasites that recharge by leeching off of you.
11. They force you to take responsibility for their abusive behavior by manipulating you.
Try to tell them that you think they have been abusive. If you do this, they will get angry and blame you for it.
They might say that what you said or did was worse than what they did. If you would only do certain things, they never would have been mean to you.
They get angry when people tell them that they were being abusive and might stop being nice to the person telling them about it.
It’s because you’re to blame for everything. You may also be ignored or harassed endlessly until you own up and apologize for your mistake.
12. They blame you for your problems in the relationship.
If there’s a problem in the relationship, it must be your fault because they’re perfect and can’t possibly do anything wrong.
They will say that if only you would stop complaining or saying bad things about them, then everything would be fine, but since you won’t change, then nothing ever will be.
They’ll also blame you for problems in the relationship before it even started, such as claiming that if only they had met you sooner, then their life would have been easier and better because of everything wonderful about them.
It’s all your fault since you’re too stupid to see how great they are or how much better off everyone would be if you weren’t in the picture.
13. They can never take responsibility for their behavior or admit that they made a mistake.
They always blame the other person, even when it’s obvious that they’re to blame.
If there are problems in the relationship, then everyone else is at fault because nothing ever has anything to do with them.
They’re never wrong and always perfect, so if there’s a problem then it must be your fault – which is why you should just leave because they would never do anything to hurt anyone on purpose or change themselves for the better.
You’ll also see that they can’t take responsibility for their actions when something goes wrong. This will be an opportunity for them to blame you and make it sound like your fault that they didn’t succeed.
14. They only want you when they can’t have you.
They want to control your life, so if they know that someone else wants you, then they will do anything to make sure they get to keep you.
They don’t want anyone else to have what they can’t, so it’s only natural that if someone new is interested in you, then everything about the relationship will change for the worse and become more abusive than ever before.
Their actions are meant as a warning sign of sorts – one last chance for you to come back and stay with them.
If they don’t get their way, then it’s your fault, so if you leave, anyone else will be blamed for ending the relationship as well – even though everyone probably would have been better off without them in the first place.
15. When they talk about you, they smear your name
They may be chatting with your family, friends of yours, or people you’ve both spent time with.
They’ll fabricate lies about you or enhance anything you said or did to portray you in a negative light.
They will paint you as the aggressor, while they will be portrayed as the victim. It doesn’t matter if the other person accepts their statements.
The allegations have already been made. They’ve besmirched your good name by defaming it.
They’ve succeeded in losing someone you trusted if they’re able to get someone you care about to look at you differently and back away.
You feel even more alienated and unappealing than ever before now.
So, when they do call it quits, you’re in a lot worse position.
16. You can’t make them happy.
You’ve tried to be everything they need and give them the relationship that they claim is perfect.
But it never works out in the end because you’re always at fault for doing something wrong.
If anything good happens, then it must have been because they did something right or by sheer luck.
They never take responsibility for their happiness, so when you try to make them happy and things still aren’t working out in the end, then it’s your fault – not theirs.
People with narcissistic personality disorder are only capable of making themselves happy.
They don’t care about anyone else and refuse to consider anyone else’s feelings or needs.
17. You feel like they’re hiding something.
They seem secretive and unwilling to share anything personal about themselves when you ask them questions or try getting to know them better.
You may even think that they’re lying outright, but it’s more likely that they only paint the picture of their life in a way that makes everything look perfect and wonderful – which is far from the truth.
They don’t want you to know anything about what’s really going on behind closed doors, because it would only make them look bad and let someone else in who could save them from their narcissistic ways.
18. They’re never there for you when you need them.
If something is going wrong in your life, then they don’t care about helping you through it – even if it’s a part of their routine responsibilities as a partner or friend.
They refuse to be supportive and give advice that will actually help resolve the problem instead of making everything worse.
They always go back on their word and don’t follow through with what they promise.
If you could count on them, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, but now you have to do everything yourself all the time because there’s no one else willing or capable of helping you out.
19. They’re only nice when they want something from you.
You can’t trust their kind words and considerate actions for a second because they only do them when it benefits them in some way.
They’re two-faced, so if they ever need something that could be beneficial to both of you, then there’s no doubt that they’ll come through on what they say.
But, if there’s nothing in it for them, then you’re screwed because they’ll talk about how much of a deadbeat or loser that you are with all their friends and family behind your back.
20. You can’t remember the last time you had a good day together.
You’ve been trying so hard for so long to make things work with this person, but it’s just not happening anymore.
You feel like you’ve given up everything to be with them, but it’s all been for nothing.
They aren’t interested in seeing how good things could still get between the two of you because they don’t care about your feelings or future happiness.
They can only see their own needs and wants – which are never satisfied, no matter what you do or how hard you try.
What happens when a narcissist figures out you’re onto them?
If a narcissist notices or suspects that you are about to break up with them and cut them out of your life, they will do everything in their power to regain control over you.
They’ll try every trick in the book to persuade you, defend the relationship, gaslight you, and attempt to “win you back.”
It’s not because they care for or genuinely regret the relationship that they’re doing this.
It’s all about maintaining control over you and making sure it’s THEM who decides when it ends.
Do Narcissists Come Back to Relationships?
Narcissists often come back to their relationships. They will abuse you as long as they need you for something, even if they just leave again. They might do this by saying that you are too dramatic or take things too seriously until you start feeling confused and guilty.
How Long Do Narcissist Relationships Last?
The length of a relationship with a narcissist usually depends on how much they wear down your self-esteem and sense of self. It also depends on their gain from keeping you around.
A narcissist will most likely start an abuse cycle again, so a relationship with a narcissist will last as long as the person can get something out of it.
If you keep giving them attention, a narcissist will come back over and over again….unless you make sure that they don’t.
Should I be Worried if a Narcissist is Done with Me?
When you and a narcissist break up, you can start to move on. You will be happy when they are gone. We need to take control of our life and not let the narcissist pull us back in their cycle of abuse.
How to Break Free from a Narcissistic Abuse Cycle
Breaking free from a narcissistic abuse cycle will help you break your trauma bond. Here are some strategies to get over your toxic relationship.
-Do not talk to your ex. Do not call them or send them messages.
-Practice self-compassion to become more confident and to forgive yourself for engaging in narcissistic abuse.
-Do things that take care of you. This is important for your health and wellbeing.
-Find ways to help you relax and stay focused on the present.
-Spend time with people you like to make yourself feel better.
-You can write about your thoughts and feelings. This will help you control your negative thoughts and emotions better.
-Meet new people. Make new memories.
-Seek therapy to help you work through your emotions after ending a relationship that was bad for you. And think about what it would be like if something bad happens in the future, so that you can figure out how to move on.
Breaking away from a narcissist might be the finest method to care for yourself, recover, and move on.
How Many Times Will A Narcissist Come Back?
If you allow them, they will come back again and again.
Narcissists like to test their supply’s loyalty. They do this many times even if they haven’t talked for a long time.
This is because they want you to come back into the drama again.
They need you to make them feel powerful and superior, so they keep on coming back for more of your attention.
Narcissists don’t have their own identities. They create fantasies about who they are, and depend on other people to help them make that fantasy happen; when that fantasy feels threatened, they will do whatever it takes to restore their homeostasis.
What Happens When The Narcissist Can’t Control You?
Once the narcissist cannot control you anymore, they will lose interest in you. When they feel powerless, narcissists will stop returning your calls and even forget about the promises they made to be with you again.
What Are The Benefits Of Being Done With A Narcissist?
Being done with a narcissist will help you gain your freedom. This is the time when you can focus on yourself again. You will be able to do whatever feels good for you.
When a narcissist has been gone for so long, it is always best to move on from them and not look back because if they come back again, the cycle will repeat itself all over.
If there are children involved in your break up with a narcissist, think about how this person might affect their life negatively too.
What Narcissists Don’t Want You To Know
The first, and most important thing to remember about narcissists is that they don’t want you to know how much they rely on you for survival.
It’s why they frequently appear cold, disinterested, or even furious. It’s all a subterfuge to conceal their obvious insecurities.
But don’t assume you have the power to inspire someone who thinks he or she is superior.
There has never been a case of someone converting a narcissist by trying to be their hero.
Whether it’s your ex-boyfriend or life partner, ask anyone who has ever attempted it before.
Narcissists utilize a variety of deceptive strategies to keep you interested and desperate.
They rely on betrayal trauma to keep you bound. Narcissists know how to make you feel guilty and ashamed, just like they know how to make you feel flattered and loved.
During these times, it’s vital to remember that because someone is being nice doesn’t necessarily indicate it’s genuine, especially if there’s a track record of emotional abuse and manipulation.
