It can be hard to tell if the no contact rule is working. This article will help you understand the five signs that indicate it’s time to give up on your ex and move on with life.
The only thing more soul-destroying than a breakup is the muddle and toxicity of an on-again, off-again relationship.
If you don’t want to spend the next few years in “where are we at?” limbo, the no-contact rule is your best bet.
The only way to get over a breakup is to snap the chord. It also allows your mind to re-calibrate and readjust to life without your ex.
Let’s look at the 5 indicators that the no-contact rule is working before we dig deeper into the idea, its various phases, and its performance.
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What Is The No-Contact Rule?
When you break up with someone, it’s important to sever all ties. This means no checking in on social media or calling them out of the blue for a chat.
The best way is to do nothing at all and not even respond if they reach out first. It may seem cold, but this will give both parties some much-needed breathing space.
The ability to heal without constant reminders of what was lost is imperative when trying to get over your ex.
Watch Video Of The 5 Signs That The No Contact Rule is Really Working
Below is a video that explains why the no contact rule is really working:
Is No Contact Working? Here are 5 Signs To Know For Sure
If you’re wondering whether the no-contact rule has worked, here are five signs that indicate its success:
#1. You Don’t Care Anymore
This one should be obvious – lack of interest indicates progress during recovery after a breakup.
When we lose interest in something, our mind automatically moves onto something that is more engaging.
This means you no longer feel the urge to check their social media or constantly ask your friends if they’ve heard from them.
You’re in “I don’t care” mode and it feels good, really good!
If this sounds like you, then congratulations – the no-contact rule has worked wonders for you!
#2. You Have Your Own Life Again
Without even realizing it, using the no contact rule boosts your self-confidence by giving yourself some space to breathe.
It also allows us to get back into our own routine without having someone else’s needs dictate how we spend each day.
This gives us time to figure out who we are again, away from a relationship dynamic that was always about togetherness.
Instead of feeling like you’ve lost your identity, the no-contact rule helps us get back to who we are and what makes us tick.
You’ll find that this newfound selflessness is a great motivator for starting new hobbies or finding something interesting to do with friends each weekend.
Also Read: How to Not Be a Dry Texter
#3. You Can See Your Ex For What They Really Are
Once we take a step back from someone during a breakup, it becomes easier to see their bad qualities and put them into perspective.
If this is something that has happened for you, then there’s every chance that the no contact rule allowed you some distance away from an unhealthy relationship dynamic.
It allows us time to reconcile with why things went wrong in our minds before getting back out there again.
If any of these points sound familiar, then congratulations – chances are high that the no-contact phase has worked wonders for helping move on after a breakup!
However, if none of these apply, don’t worry because there are more phases to come.
#4. Your thoughts are not consumed by them anymore
Your thoughts are not consumed by them anymore; you no longer feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster after every conversation.
You can now look at your ex objectively and analyze the relationship without any outside influence of emotion clouding your judgment.
You are no longer in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, where everything is wonderful and magical.
You can now see things much more clearly, which also means you understand why it didn’t work out to begin with.
#5. You have a sense of peace now that you didn’t before
You have a sense of peace now that you didn’t before because the no contact rule allowed for both sides to process and recover from the relationship.
The pain, anger, sadness, resentment have subsided, which also means there is nothing left to fight over.
There’s only so long two people can maintain negativity towards each other without eventually becoming neutral or positive about one another again.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re ready to date your ex again, but it does signify an improvement in communication between both parties as well as closure after all this time apart.
Once any negative feelings are gone, then it becomes easier for you to move forward with life instead of experiencing constant distress and worrying if they miss you too much during “no contact”.
Also Read: How Soon is Too Soon to Move In
Additional Signs That The No Contact Rule is Working
You Can Move On With Your Day To Day Life
When in a relationship, it’s easy to lose track of time – both good and bad. The best way to avoid falling into negative routines after a breakup is by not calling them when things aren’t going well or checking up on their social media accounts when they’re gone out.
This allows you some breathing room away from constant reminders about how miserable life can be without someone else in your corner.
Even though you may miss your ex, the no-contact rule gives you the space to focus on yourself.
It’s also important not only to ask ourselves if we even truly miss our ex, but why. Why do we miss them?
Is it because of the way they made us feel, or is this a sense of comfort knowing that someone else is always there for you?
It’s important to identify the difference between these emotions because missing someone out of neediness is not something that will help you get over your ex or into another relationship.
You don’t feel like they’re watching everything you do anymore
Being constantly monitored by a significant other can be suffocating, which is why the no contact rule gives you space to breathe.
You don’t feel like they’re watching everything you do anymore and it’s easier to get on with your day without feeling paranoid or worried that someone else will find out about what you’ve been up to behind their back.
It may seem difficult during those first few days after being apart from them but as time passes, it gets much easier until eventually these feelings of uneasiness are completely gone!
The anger and resentment towards them have subsided or disappeared completely
The anger and resentment towards them have subsided or disappeared completely, which means that you’re over the relationship for good.
You don’t feel hurt anymore by their words, actions, choices, etc. This is a sign that they have completely let go of things as well because there’s nothing left to hold on to from the past if both parties are ready to move on with life.
It can be tough dating someone new after going through a breakup, but it becomes easier when you know what went wrong in your previous relationship, so those mistakes aren’t made again down the road.
This also signifies an improvement in communication between both people involved, making it much more likely that this person will stick around long-term instead of moving on quickly because something doesn’t feel right.
This is a great sign that it’s time to move on and let go of this person once you’ve both processed your thoughts, emotions, etc. about the relationship, so there are no hard feelings left over anymore.
You find yourself looking forward instead of backward.
You find yourself looking forward instead of backward, which means that you’re not constantly thinking about what went wrong or how things could have been done differently.
Instead, you are focused on the present and your future plans because there’s no point in dwelling on something that can’t be changed anymore, whether it was a relationship ending unexpectedly or due to external factors out of anyone’s control.
Once any negative feelings are gone, then it becomes easier for you to move forward with life instead of experiencing constant distress and worrying if they miss you too much during “no contact”.
This is a great sign that it’s time to move on and let go even though this breakup wasn’t mutual, but rather one person deciding everything had run its course when the other person didn’t feel the same way.
This also goes hand in hand with them feeling peaceful after going through a breakup because there isn’t any more frustration from the relationship ending unexpectedly or due to external factors out of anyone’s control.
How long does it take for the no-contact rule to work?
Following the no-contact rule, the timeline isn’t simple, even though it’s effective. It’s only natural to wonder how long does this no-contact rule takes to work when you’re laying in bed wearing your ex’s hoodie and crying on your pillow? There is no established, no-contact rule timeline.
It’s possible that you’ll need a few weeks to get acclimated to establishing contact with an ex without being overwhelmed by emotional baggage.
You may choose to reconnect with them after a few months.
Perhaps the length of time without contact will help you realize that they are better off out of your life.
The Three Stages of the no-contact rule (beginning, middle, and end)
The three stages of the no contact rule usually look like this:
Stage 1: The first stage is the beginning where you begin spending time apart from each other.
You will probably experience typical withdrawal symptoms during the first few days of cutting all contact with your ex after a breakup.
These can range from feeling down and dejected to experiencing mood swings and irritability, as well as panic and poor sleep.
Because this is one of the early no-contact periods, there is an active denial that your partner dumped you; nonetheless, you can’t begin to comprehend not having them in your life right now. Not yet anyhow.
Stage 2: In the second stage of the no-contact rule, you will observe indicators of recovery before hitting your lowest low.
The devastation and despair that you have been feeling since the breakup will become overwhelming.
It’s critical not to respond if they contact you during this period. When it comes to no contact, there is only one time when it doesn’t work: relapse.
That’s when the process of change will take root. You’ll be able to identify patterns of poor decisions or toxic choices that have kept you from achieving your goals in the past. As a result, you’ll be better equipped to make positive changes in your life.
Stage 3: In the final stage of the no-contact rule, you will notice some genuine indications of recovery and be able to consider yourself again.
This is when your efforts will pay off if throughout this journey you’ve been wondering when does no contact start working.
You’ll be ready to go out again, pursue new interests, and make new contacts. You’ll be ready to begin dating once more at this point.
At this time, you may begin concentrating on the five signs that the no-contact rule is effective.
FAQ
How do you know if the no-contact rule is working?
You can tell if the no contact rule is working by checking to see if your feelings about the relationship have changed or improved.
You may also want to consider whether you feel more at peace with yourself and better equipped to move forward in life without them by your side.
How long does it take for the no-contact rule to take effect?
When you have cut all ties with your ex, you will go through phases. First, there will be sadness and rage.
Then, even if your ex attempts to contact you, you will not respond, and you will see the relationship from a new perspective.
When that happens, or if you still believe your connection is worth preserving, you’ll reconcile once more.
What do dumpers experience when there is no contact?
Dumpers in the middle of no contact experience a sense of alleviation once the relationship is over.
They become interested as to why their ex never contacted them after that. Then they start monitoring their ex’s social media profile to see how they’re doing without them.
Then they become fixated on the ex, but when they realize that they will not react, they are sad that the connection has come to an end.
What are your views on how long it takes for an ex to miss you when there is no contact?
If your relationship ended by mutual agreement, they might be overjoyed by their single life at first.
However, when you fail to attempt to contact them, they begin to miss you. It could take a few weeks or even several months for this feeling to take hold.
Is it true that the no-contact rule only applies to women?
No. Men also benefit from this rule when they have been dumped.
They don’t contact you either, but instead of being sad about it, they become happier and more ambitious in life without the ex’s influence weighing them down.
What is a good way to practice no-contact if your ex doesn’t want that?
There are some exceptions where people will still reach out after a breakup, even though there is supposed to be no contact by mutual agreement.
In these cases, ignoring their attempts at communication can help remind them that you mean business with regard to cutting all ties with them from now on.
They should respect your wishes once the pattern becomes clear enough. If not, then one may need to stop responding altogether until later on in order to discourage their behavior.
When does no contact start working?
The process begins by staying away physically from your ex after the relationship has ended so that there’s less chance for things to get messy.
It continues on when you do not allow your ex to reach out, and it reaches its peak when they decide that you’re no longer important in their lives anymore.
At this point, the process is complete and the no-contact rule has started working.
Will he forget about me during the time we are not speaking?
Yes, he would. You would be on his mind. All the more so since he’d be wondering whether or not your relationship was that unimportant to you that you didn’t contact him once. He’d be nursing a wounded ego, and there’s no way he’d forget you.
What are some signs of recovery after practicing the no contact rule?
Once someone has gone through all three stages involved with cutting off ties completely from an ex who was difficult for them to break up with or one who constantly pursued them even though they wanted space, then real positive changes will be noticeable afterward.
These include having more energy at work because there’s less stress weighing them down due to thinking about what issues could arise if things were left unsaid.
There’s also a newfound sense of confidence because they feel less needy and more secure in themselves. Finally, there will be an improved level of self-esteem as well.
As you can see from the above discussion, practicing no contact with your ex is one way to keep yourself safe from being hurt again by them or causing further damage to your own emotions after a breakup.
It may even help improve how you view the relationship so that it becomes easier for you not only to move on but potentially reconcile later if things have changed enough between you both due to this time apart.
No matter what happens though, taking this step alone should benefit anyone who has been going through unhealthy patterns during their past encounters, whether emotionally or physically abusive, which they now realize can’t be tolerated anymore.
Does the no contact rule work if you were dumped?
Yes, and it’s a vital part of your recovery process after any breakup.
You may react in the beginning by reaching out to them or even spying on them online so that you can glean information about what they’re doing without realizing how much this is hurting you.
Is there an alternative if my ex does not want me to contact him?
Yes, just focus on yourself for the moment since you need that time to recuperate from past hurt.
If your ex doesn’t want contact with you, then it’s because they’re not ready yet and would only resent being put in this position by feeling obligated to respond back when their thoughts are elsewhere at present.
Do people forget about each other after some time of no contact?
It happens all the time actually! People who go through a breakup or who have had more than one usually do so without realizing what is happening inside them psychologically until later on down the road when it becomes clear enough due to changed behavior patterns.
They’ll wonder why they haven’t been thinking about someone as much anymore, even though there was a time when they couldn’t get enough of them.
This is the sign that no contact has started working, so you can feel proud of being able to achieve this level of emotional independence!
Will no contact help me get over him?
Yes, the no contact rule is a great way to move on from an ex who was difficult for you.
You’ll be able to see your relationship more objectively, which allows you to get perspective about what went wrong and why it wasn’t meant to be.
You can then find closure that helps both of you start anew without any regret or longing involved in its resolution.
What if I’m not sure whether my ex wants me back? Should I try contacting him?
No, wait until they reach out if they’re interested in starting things up again with you since forcing someone into anything isn’t fair, even though they may still think about doing this themselves when their thoughts are elsewhere at present because of other emotions such as anger or sadness being stronger than their love for you.
How does no contact work if my ex doesn’t want to talk to me?
If they don’t even want to hear from you, then it’s best not to push them since this will make you seem clingy and desperate, which is something that people who are emotionally healthy avoid at all costs.
They’re probably just feeling overwhelmed by everything right now, so give them space until they get back in touch with you on their own terms when the time feels right again!
Is there an alternative if I’m losing hope about him contacting me?
Yes, focus on yourself instead of pining over someone else because this means taking care of your feelings first before seeking out what others have done or might be thinking similarly.
It becomes easier for you not only to move on but potentially reconcile later if things have changed enough between you both due to this time apart.
You may react in the beginning by reaching out to them or even spying on them online so that you can glean information about what they’re doing without realizing how much this is hurting you.
If it’s difficult for you right now, then just take a step back and do something that feels good again.
With time comes wisdom, which is something that helps you make better decisions instead of living in the past, which is what has been hurting you.
What happens after 30 day no contact rule?
After 30 days of no contact after a breakup, you can feel proud of being able to achieve this level of emotional independence!
You’ll be able to see your relationship more objectively, which allows you to get perspective about what went wrong and why it wasn’t meant to be.
You can then find closure that helps both of you start anew without any regret or longing involved in its resolution.
What is the psychological effect of no contact on the male dumper?
When men dump, they do so without thinking much about what might happen to their ex afterward because that is not in the forefront of their thoughts at present.
They’re likely feeling overwhelmed by everything right now and don’t want to be weighed down with your emotions when they need space for themselves instead.
You’ll pick up on this later if you give them time and let go of trying to make things work again out of desperation or clinginess, which will only push them away more than before!
What is the psychology of no contact on the dumper?
Even if you’re the one to end things, it can be difficult for both of your emotions not knowing how to handle all that’s happening when this is uncharted territory.
They may feel relieved or even guilty about what they did because deep down inside their feelings haven’t changed at present, so there needs to be time apart until they become more certain again!
